profusia
(Worcestershire)
Tuesday 5 Sep 2017, 3:49pm
Wow, so many of you guys seem to really know how to engineer/produce tracks!
Lovely atmospheric intro, and the intro doesn't feel anywhere near as long as it actually is - it just works.
Re the main body of the song, the vocals sound great, and there's strong melody. My ears aren't developed enough to be 100% here but I can hear the key changes, but even when the key changes it sounds to me like the relative progressions are very similar, and although the melody is different this makes each section less distinct (please do put me straight if I've got that wrong - as I say, I'm far from sure). So I'd look at whether there's scope to inject a significantly different section, perhaps a bridge, switching from major to minor, and using a completely different progression and melody. If you could get a different feel (without changing tempo) as well to such a section from percussion/rhythm section this could add interest. I think this would inject a real lift to the overall piece which it definitely deserves. I also think moving the guitar break to be in the middle somewhere rather than using it as an outro might really help break things up.
I thought there were a few spots where ending a melodic phrase on a different last note would have worked better (just to my ears obviously). An example would be the first section "...but you didn't notice me", I just felt I wanted "me" to go down to the A rather than back to the C#, however, when you then repeat the line and end with "...that I'd know if you were true", taking "true" back up to the C# works nicely, to signal that this time we're moving on and the key is going to change.
Look, these are just my personal impressions, and tiny observations on what's clearly an accomplished piece of work so feel free to ignore (I'm assuming "I'm a bit stuck" meant you'd appreciate any suggestions?) - in any case it does sound great. Nice job!