Kjaer
(Bristol)
Tuesday 5 May 2026, 5:57pm
Noble knights, men of honour, ladies of valour, defenders of all that is worthy, please attend thus...
We are currently two guitarists, looking for a vocalist, bassist and drums to complete a battle metal project lineup in Bristol.
Here are two demos, Part 1 and Part 2 of a ode to the Battle of Helms deep within Lord of the Rings.
Part 1: To The Breach - https://on.soundcloud.com/zJcnLaMlWcQQhtHqqj
Part 2: Back to the Keep - https://on.soundcloud.com/Tq3USG5YgeTvfhCgQi
Our influences include:
Amon Amarth, Aragon King of Gondor, Acts of Valour and Knightliness, Standing against the forces of evil with a sharp sword and the will to cleanse and purify via the salvation of the blade, Horses with Armour on, Maximus Decimus Meridius, Zeus and his divine wrath, awesome helmets and miscellaneous heroic acts.
Requirements include...
•? ?Being a fan of lord of the rings
•? ?Being willing to wear some amount of armour on stage
•? ?Valuing things such as glory, heroism and victory
•? ?Actually being able to play an instrument to some degree
•? ?Vocalist must specifically be able to believe they are a Norse god incarnate for the duration of a live set
•? ?Committed to entering the gates of Valhalla when judged to be worthy
•? ?Being somewhat of a decent person with a degree of timekeeping skills
Desirable...
•? ?Swordsmanship skills
- Descendent of Aragorn, king of Gondor (distant affiliation also worth something)
- Experience in the defeating of various forces of evil and darkness including but not limited to... the beheading, impaling or neutralising of an ork, wraith or other villainous beast; breaking of spells and or curses; detecting and rooting out snivelling lying wretches via force or diplomacy; capturing and releasing spiders in instances where others are distressed.
- Being willing to die for those you love, if at least somewhat necessary.
- Being able to quote various dialogue from Lord of the Rings
- Experience as a Blacksmith or Armourer
- Experience in protective spells, theoretical or practical.
- Qualified to bless water so that it becomes Holy, or at least better than just normal water somehow
- Tankard enthusiast
- Listens to or has at least heard of battle/viking or power metal
You will receive...
- The greatest armour of all - Plot Armour
- A linkedin recommendation
- A band with aspiration and a sense of humour... I mean HONOUR AND DUTY
- At least one beer
If you feel you are currently in the market to answer a call of this sort, please respond with a link to an example of your playing and ideally some degree of enthusiasm. Battles cannot be won via tepid temperament.
FOR DEATH & GLORY!
Yours sincerely,
Sir Bumblequiff Hunklesturm III