uselessdrummer
(Wakefield)
Tuesday 28 Aug 2018, 9:19am
I'm a useless drummer who wants to join a band for the sole purpose of messing them about. I want to waste their time and cause them no end of problems.
I will tell you I am available for all your gigs, but it will depend if I get another gig with the 10 other bands I string along. Also, if we get a well paid gig on the Friday i'll probably not be bothered about the Saturday gig. I will regularly let you know at 4pm the day of a gig that I am unwell and cannot play, while simultaneously posting selfies on social media at the party I am at.
I'll need an extra £10 on top of what everyone else gets for gigs if I need to buy sticks.
I won't have any of my own mics and you will need to drive me to and from gigs. I will get drunk, miss all my cues and forget the endings to all your songs. When the venue complains I will get verbally abusive on the bands behalf.
I don't know what quiet is and I use 3S marching snare sticks. I don't reskin my pro kit which I spent £150 on, and I will require the rest of the band to make ad-hoc repairs on my hardware and stands for which I will require all your available gaffa tape.
I will not help with promotion, posters or website. This is someone elses job. Just be grateful i'm joining your band.
Most weekends you will need to find me a drum kit to play as I usually pawn my kit in during the week for beer money.
I don't do reading music. Forget that, I play by ear and by feel. And I play everything. I practise a whopping 5 hours a year.
I will only play songs I know. I don't do learning new songs. And rehearsals can only be every third Thursday of the month, providing the month previous was a month that had a total solar eclipse.
I will complain about everything, regularly let you down at the very last moment, not co-operate at all, and always make sure to show you how grateful you should be to have me, a pro top class drummer, in your band.
****** STOP! JOKING OVER! ******
If this is exactly what you DON'T WANT as a drummer in your band, then consider contacting me!
The above is joke by the way, a composite of things I have heard about other drummers and musicians while i've been filling in for them over the years!
Now, joking aside, this is a serious ad.
I'm currently looking for a regular gigging covers or function band to join. The band I join will be my priority, and my only band.
Many years playing and gigging expereince. I have my own transport and quality equipment.
I'm open to most things musically, so if you are looking for a drummer, give me a shout and let me know what you do. No harm in asking!
Get in contact and let's see what happens.